I just cried and she gave me the warmest hug.
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I had not even come out to myself at this stage. “…cause if you are, I love you no matter what!” My mother just gave me a warm smile, took my head in her hands, looked me in the eye and said:
Are you gay or something?”Īs soon as she said this, I froze, looked away and started crying. Each time I would find a polite excuse to leave the room and later explain to my parents that “I was not ready, I'm not interested in this right now, I want to focus on my career”.Įventually one day after the millionth attempt by my mother to introduce me to her work colleague's single daughter failed, my mother took my aside, sat me down and bluntly said to me: Throughout my twenties, my parents made numerous attempts to introduce me to various girls, which they hoped I would fall in love with and marry. I had played around with boys before, but always kept it hidden and stayed firmly in the closet, scared of bringing shame and disappointment on my family name. Obviously this hasn't happened – and is unlikely to ever happen! But out of respect to my parents and for the sake of my career, I am selective about who I come out to, which is also why I've asked my identity to be kept anonymous in this interview.īeing out in Nepal is not easy What was it like coming out to your parents? As the eldest child in a family of 5, the pressure was always on me to be the shining beacon to carry the family name and produce lots of children… Marriage is paramount and expected from everyone. I haven’t told anyone else, although I'd be surprised if they hadn't already figured it out – put it this way, to be my age and unmarried…! Jokes aside, Nepali society is very conservative. They are extremely supportive and have no issues with it, but have asked me to be discrete to avoid ‘society' gossiping. Yes and no… I am out to my immediate family (parents, siblings), close friends and some colleagues including my boss. However, in my early 30s I made the decision to return home to Nepal as my permanent base so that I can be close to my parents and care for them.
I've also spent a large part of my life living and studying abroad, particularly in the USA and UK. I am a clinical social worker working with people with mental, behavioural, and emotional issues. Today I live and work in the big capital. Namaste Stefan and Seby. I am Tilak, born in 1982 and raised in Nepal's capital city, Kathmandu. Whilst the country is very progressive on paper, and to foreigners, for the local LGBTQ community, Nepal is still very conservative, and for this reason, Tilak asked that we keep his identity anonymous.ġ1 What are some of the highlights you recommend for gay travelers to Nepal? Hello Tilak, please introduce yourself: In Kathmandu, we met local boy Tilak, who showed us the small gay scene in Thamel and told us more about what gay life is like in Nepal. The Nepali gay community is evolving and growing more confident every year thanks in part to the amazing work of LGBTQ organisations like the Blue Diamond Society. Nepali society remains very conservative – many gay men end up leading double lives, marrying a woman to please the family, keeping their true nature hidden deep in the closet. But as we said, this is one very conservative region of the world with much work to be done. This is why we rate Nepal as one of the most gay friendly countries in Asia. However, Nepal is the only one to have gone further and introduced a comprehensive set of anti-discrimination laws to protect its LGBTQ community.
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Here, most countries have curt anti-gay laws in place (like Pakistan, Bangladesh, Sri Lanka, the Maldives), and one of them even has state execution on the cards – Afghanistan! Only India, Bhutan, and Nepal have thrown out and repealed their anti-gay laws. When it comes to LGBTQ rights, Asia as a whole is notorious for being super conservative, especially across South Asia. Nepal is the shining pink beacon of South Asia. Our friend Tilak from Kathmandu tells us about gay life in Nepal and what it's like growing up gay here.